I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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