I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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