Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
