just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my being single is dangerous.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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