Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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