i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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