HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
