I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
