R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
