This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
