You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
