I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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