hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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