Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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