Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
