Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have tasted many bathrooms
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
