There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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