The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
