I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
