She said her name was "party"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
