Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
