he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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