a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
