drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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