she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
