life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
