Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
