Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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