come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
