um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
