Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
