so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
