Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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