I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
