I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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