So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
