you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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