Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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