We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
