good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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