someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
