your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
