What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
