I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you still have your period?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
