I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
