It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
