It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
