I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
