It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
