I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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