he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
