I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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