My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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