Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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