is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
